No matter our age, there’s a child in all of us. And most children are little shits, which explains why we never get tired of doing things like this.
Writing ‘Wash Me’ on a dirty car
There are a few variations on the classic ‘Wash Me’, but less is often more when you’re writing in the dirt on the back of somebody else’s car. A sad face is the next best thing, but for beautiful simplicity the original is still best.
Putting up windscreen wipers
There are two variations on this classic. The simpler option is to raise the wipers on parked, unoccupied cars. Returning drivers will be confused and possibly irritated, even if the inconvenience is easily remedied.
The slightly more sinister option, should you be so inclined, is to raise the wipers once the driver is already in the car and sat behind the wheel. It’s not the end of the world to have to get out of the car to put the wipers down again, but I can testify that, for some reason, it’s more rewarding and much more irritating than it really should be.
Adding an ‘i’ to Offices To Let
Most kids don’t even know this meaning of the word ‘Let’ – I myself may have spent a good, long, uneducated while wondering why people were stealing the letter ‘i’ from toilet signs – but even before they do, they can recognise an opportunity to make a funny word. And ‘toilet’ is one of the funniest words.
Answering someone else’s phone and pretending to be them
You know, the one where you’re sitting with a mate, his/her phone starts ringing, and it’s a mutual friend’s name that shows on screen. So you answer and do your best impression of your friend, to see if you can convince the caller you are in fact him/her.
Points are awarded based on how long you can keep the misdirection going, with extra credit and respect if you’re a boy impersonating a girl, and vice versa of course.