It’s the most wonderful time of the year. For lists. Really, you can’t click anywhere without stumbling upon one. So here’s a version of one of the oldest and best lists. For fun.
THE 10 COMMANDMENTS, adjusted for regular people.
1. Don’t cheat on the ones you love. Yes, life is a popularity contest but nobody likes a cheat. Ask Lance Armstrong.
2. Be loyal. Ask questions, and make up your own mind, but be loyal.
3. Only swear if it’s appropriate given the circumstances. Use * and %^&$ where necessary otherwise.
4. Rest regularly (at least once a week). And especially on your birthday.
5. Be a good son/daughter.
6. Don’t murder people (this should be obvious). Figure out abortion and capital punishment for yourselves, I don’t have the answer.
7. Adultery is bad. So is childrenery. The latter is worse, actually.
8. Buy your own shit.
9. Lying is for beds and hammocks only. Truthing is cooler by far, far away.
10. Seriously, buy your own shit (or ask nicely and maybe I’ll let you borrow mine).
There’s a lot of sense in the original list, and even (if you look hard enough) in the one above. Hey, whatever works for you.
Disclaimers: I wasn’t aware there was a slight difference to the Catholic and Protestant lists. The above is based on the Protestant 10, for no reason other than it would appear Protestants pay more attention to search engine optimisation because that’s the list I found first on Google. Also, I routinely claim ‘Confused’ as my religion on census forms and at cocktail parties. Any guidance, in the form of a list, is welcome.