The Alternative Super Rugby Review | Week 1

This is not the place to find who won, who scored, or who played well. This is what I thought of what I saw, mostly useless information, and why the refs and commentators were shit.

Bulls v Stormers

Kolisi to be tested. Siya Kolisi will undergo tests in the coming week to determine whether, as suspected, he is actually made out of rock.

Cheetahs v Sharks

Schoolboy haircuts are back in fashion. There have been some shocking hair-don’ts at the Sharks in recent years, but it’s pleasing to see that the scissors of sensibility have been hauled out in the off-season. All of Lambie, Mvovo, Kankowski and even Frans Steyn are sporting short, sharp cuts, and thank God for that.

Kings v Force

solomonsAlan Solomons is not an idiot. The Kings have assembled a good mix of Moneyball players – Maku, Sykes and Catrakilis – and flair players – Engelbrecht, Petersen and Marais. I’ll still be surprised if they win another game this year, but they might be quite good to watch.

Capostagno and Kempson, FML. You can forget about insight, or even accuracy, from these two “commentators”. They treat facts like I treat attendance at church and lunchtime meetings: strictly optional. They made me long for Jonathan Davies.

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