The Alternative Super Rugby Review | Week 11

This is not the place to find who won, who scored, or who played well. This is what I thought of what I saw, mostly useless information, and why the refs and commentators were shit.

Hurricanes v Stormers

Steve Walsh is a terrible referee. He looks like he’s guessing half the time, and making up rules the rest of it. He is utterly, utterly useless.

Chiefs v Sharks

Frans Steyn and Keegan Daniel have been disappointing this year, possibly because Steyn is obviously a flank playing at centre and Daniel is obviously a centre playing at flank.

I’ve had enough of this whooping and high-fiving and backs running in to pat forwards on the ass after a big scrum or turnover. It’s so WWE (used to be WWF) it makes me sick.

Brumbies v Force

Henry Speight looks like Jules from Pulp Fiction. And he’s almost as bad-ass.

jules

This from Sky – the Brumbies have won 57 of 58 matches when scoring 29 points or more at Canberra stadium – is this week’s most useless stat.

There’s a guy who plays for the Brumbies whose actual full name is Siliva Siliva. Thanks parents. At least he’s not alone in the world.

Neville Neville (Gary and Phil’s dad), Scot Scott (M-Net presenter from back in the day), Richie Rich, and Wilson from Home Improvement (full name, WIlson Wilson).

samename

Bulls v Waratahs

Having Bladen and Brosnihan on commentary together is a fucking human rights violation. My ears are still bleeding.

Cheetahs v Southern Kings

I didn’t see this game, much as I was looking forward to it, because I went for a walk with my girlfriend. #awww

He’s not the exception, he’s the Rhule. I did manage to see Rhule’s try before we left, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Saracens v Toulon (Bonus track)

Give me Bladen and Brosnihan any day if the alternative is that Sky lot. Their condescending parochialism makes me want the English team to get smashed.

Mathieu Bastareaud is orca fat. At my very first rugby practise I was asked what position I wanted to play. I looked like Bastareaud back then, I should’ve said ‘centre’. I said prop.

basta

Jonny Wilkinson is a classy person. He’s a great player, but more importantly he’s a really good human.

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