The Alternative Rugby Review | Griquas v Blue Bulls

This is not the place to find who won, who scored, or who played well. This is what I thought of what I saw, mostly useless information, and why the refs and commentators were sh1t.

Will Howard Mnisi be benched in 2014, is the banana kick the dumbest thing in rugby, is centre the new prop, and why are two UCT cricketers playing for the Blue Bulls?


Griquas v Blue Bulls | 28 September 2013

This wasn’t his most influential game of the season, but Griquas centre Howard Mnisi looks like the sort of guy that gets snapped up by a bigger union next year and then sits on the bench all Super Rugby season.


Hopefully he stays at Griquas, because the Cheetahs will need a replacement for Robert Ebersohn next season, but my alternative spidey sense wouldn’t be surprised if the Bulls or Lions make him an offer he can’t refuse.

This “banana kick” that right-footed players are using when kicking to the right-hand touchlne with very little angle should be banished from the game like the old torpedo punt. I saw three penalties wasted this weekend by Carlos Spencer wannabes and that’s more than enough.


Griquas flanker Marnus Schoeman is one of those all-energy 100 percenters that you’d hate to play against. He’s also one of those penalty-liability idiots you’d hate to have on your side. And for all these reasons and more I specifically hate watching him play rugby.

JP Nel needs to retire from rugby, he looks more like an out-of-shape prop than a centre. I presume a guy like him only has “backline coach” as a career prospect after rugby, but he’s got a better chance of getting a job as “scrum coach” looking like that.


I don’t know what the solution is but it’s a big rucking problem when we have literally 15 minutes of scrums and penalties and scrums and TMO reviews. This is why I’d rather record games and fast-forward through the sh1t bits.

William Small-Smith and Jono Ross don’t sound like Blue Bulls rugby players. They sound like they should be doing boat races at UCT cricket club after a long day fielding with a hangover for UCT 2nd XI.

Ag voeitog wasn’t it cute the way the Griquas cheerleaders were shouting “Defence! Defence!”  like they do in the NBA in their delicious little Afrikaans accents. I guess “Verdediging! Verdediging!” doesn’t have the same ring to it.


This week’s other Alternative Reviews

Cheetahs v WP  |  Lions v Sharks  |  SA v Australia  |  Argentina v New Zealand


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